Every school has bullies. They tease, push in the hallways, and instigate fights with other kids. Bullying also takes the form of ignoring or excluding other kids—and can be just as traumatic as the more physical kind of bullying. Bullying should not be tolerated in any form.
- Listen to your children. Some parents don’t intervene because they think kids should work it out on their own. This is a common mistake. Take the complaint seriously, or your child could get hurt.
- Teach a bully-proofing technique. Encourage your children to reach out to their friends/peers. That way they can look out for one another. Children give each other support, and a child who has friends is less of a target.
- Be assertive. Teach your child to—while appearing confident, facing the bully, standing tall, and using a strong voice—declare, “Stop making fun of me. It’s mean.” Being assertive is not being aggressive. Never advise your child to hit back. Aggression can escalate quickly over very minor issues, and too many kids are carrying weapons to school in retaliation.
- Explain the difference between tattling and telling. Tattling is when you report something to just get someone in trouble. Telling is when you report that you or someone else is in danger.
- Tell someone. Encourage your kids to tell you, a teacher, or another trusted adult when they’re having a problem. Kids may be afraid or ashamed to tell adults about a bully. It’s important for them to let someone know early, before the situation escalates.
- Let your school know your safety concerns. Suggest closer supervision in hallways, bathrooms, lunchrooms, etc. Your kids have the right to feel safe at school, so find out what your school’s policies are regarding bullies. Ask the school or PTA to sponsor a peer mediation program, nonviolent conflict resolution workshops, or safety training.
- Bonds, Marla; Stoker, Sally. (2000). Bully-Proofing Your School: A Comprehensive Approach for Middle Schools. Available from: Sopris West, 4093 Specialty Place, Longmont, CO 80504; (800) 547-6747. 421 pp.
- This book presents a comprehensive program designed to make the school environment safe for children both physically and psychologically. The program presents both a process and all the materials necessary for adoption of a school-wide bully-proofing program.
- Don’t Laugh at Me Project. Educators for Social Responsibility, 23 Garden Street, Cambridge, MA 01238; phone: (617) 492-1764; fax: (617) 864-5164; Web: http://www.esrnational.org.
- Garbarino, James. Lost Boys: Why our Sons Turn to Violence and How We Can Save Them.
- Garrity, Carla; Jens, Kathryn; Porter, William; Sager, Nancy; Short-Camilli, Cam. (1994). Bully-Proofing Your School: A Comprehensive Approach for Elementary Schools. Available from: Sopris West, 4093 Specialty Place, Longmont, CO 80504; phone: (800) 547-6747. ED383956; 367 pp.
The program consists of five components: (1) staff training, (2) student instruction, (3) support of the victimized children, (4) intervention with bullies, and (5) working with parents.
- National Center for Assault Prevention (609) 582-7000
- National School Safety Center (805) 373-9977
- Refer to local school district’s Safety Plan
- Stop Bullying.
- When Push Comes to Shove; Dealing with Bullies Requires Adult Supervision.
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